The title says it all. Today has been tough.
Tears...
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
{and} away we go...
It happened.
He went.
It was sad. I cried. He cried.
Hardest thing either of us has EVER done.
Melisa hasn't cried, been sad, appeared to even care. She looked at me like I was crazy when Michael and I were holding each other bawling. After we got home from the airport, I asked her if she understood why this was so hard. She didn't. So I tried to explain the magic of marriage to an 8 year old. Obviously, she didn't get it. She told me she didn't know he was my best friend or that we'd spent more time together (as grown-ups) than we have apart. I know all children, and some adults, are like that and just don't get it - but I just can't imagine not having these feelings in marriage.
As Michael waited for his plane he texted me something about his heart being broken...nail on the head! I feel like part of me was missing. It's hard to explain.
The days leading up to the departure were tough as was the departure at the airport but the days since have been good. Don't get me wrong I miss him, I already feel lonely at night not having someone to talk to (although we've talk every day since he left). No tears, but still sad.
Having to get back to "life" was smart. I didn't cancel youth group on Wednesday so I cried myself home from the airport than had 30 mins to feed Melisa and then teens would be here. I think that was good for me, without it I'm sure I would have moped all night long.
On other items, Melisa is out of school currently so she started her lego project. She did 95% of it without me. This was the first one she has ever tackled. I was really surprised and proud of her. It took her about 5 hours in total. She did awesome. She is still in the dining room playing with it now and switching things up.
Today we also chatted about her God given talents and abilities I asked her what her's was. She told me painting and drawing. I'm not convinced of that yet...but we will encourage it. After she told me that I told her about the District Children's Talent Competition with our Church. She was excited and plans to enter a piece of art. The theme is Acts, so we have to read it and then she needs to get some inspiration - we have till April so I think we can make it happen. It's exciting. This is the first time she has ever done anything like this and she wanted to - I didn't have to even push at all.
On a more spiritual note I greatly enjoy a blog post of recent... Jeremiah Bolich on Sanctification
Until later, ladies and gents, here are some recent photos I know some would like to see...
P.s. I loved jamming to Glee soundtrack while writing tonight!
He went.
It was sad. I cried. He cried.
Hardest thing either of us has EVER done.
 |
| Isn't he cute, not that ugly ferret!! |
Melisa hasn't cried, been sad, appeared to even care. She looked at me like I was crazy when Michael and I were holding each other bawling. After we got home from the airport, I asked her if she understood why this was so hard. She didn't. So I tried to explain the magic of marriage to an 8 year old. Obviously, she didn't get it. She told me she didn't know he was my best friend or that we'd spent more time together (as grown-ups) than we have apart. I know all children, and some adults, are like that and just don't get it - but I just can't imagine not having these feelings in marriage.
As Michael waited for his plane he texted me something about his heart being broken...nail on the head! I feel like part of me was missing. It's hard to explain.
The days leading up to the departure were tough as was the departure at the airport but the days since have been good. Don't get me wrong I miss him, I already feel lonely at night not having someone to talk to (although we've talk every day since he left). No tears, but still sad.
Having to get back to "life" was smart. I didn't cancel youth group on Wednesday so I cried myself home from the airport than had 30 mins to feed Melisa and then teens would be here. I think that was good for me, without it I'm sure I would have moped all night long.
On other items, Melisa is out of school currently so she started her lego project. She did 95% of it without me. This was the first one she has ever tackled. I was really surprised and proud of her. It took her about 5 hours in total. She did awesome. She is still in the dining room playing with it now and switching things up.
 |
| The Builder and Her Horse Stable |
Today we also chatted about her God given talents and abilities I asked her what her's was. She told me painting and drawing. I'm not convinced of that yet...but we will encourage it. After she told me that I told her about the District Children's Talent Competition with our Church. She was excited and plans to enter a piece of art. The theme is Acts, so we have to read it and then she needs to get some inspiration - we have till April so I think we can make it happen. It's exciting. This is the first time she has ever done anything like this and she wanted to - I didn't have to even push at all.
On a more spiritual note I greatly enjoy a blog post of recent... Jeremiah Bolich on Sanctification
Until later, ladies and gents, here are some recent photos I know some would like to see...
 |
| Shooting her new bow for the first time. |
 |
| Their last daddy/daughter date...they won a TON of tickets. |
 |
| One of her shooting rounds with her new bow...good job - huh? |
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| Brad and me - matching!!! |
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| Her and Me - this one is here because dang I look good in this one! =) |
P.s. I loved jamming to Glee soundtrack while writing tonight!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
{great} wide somewhere
My thoughts have been a little bit of everywhere this past week or so, but one specific area...
On the heels of Michael and I's great Caribbean vacation last month and on the threshold of Michael's journey to England this week my thoughts turn to Belle. Yep, that's right Disney's Belle. Early on in the movie she sings, I want adventure in the great wide somewhere.
I've been thinking about that...a lot lately. At times it seems a little pitiful and childish. A little selfish.
I don't want a jungle adventure, a backpack across Europe adventure, or even a beach and warm sun adventure - I want something more, something deeper, something meaningful.
Belle finishes the song with...
On the heels of Michael and I's great Caribbean vacation last month and on the threshold of Michael's journey to England this week my thoughts turn to Belle. Yep, that's right Disney's Belle. Early on in the movie she sings, I want adventure in the great wide somewhere.
I've been thinking about that...a lot lately. At times it seems a little pitiful and childish. A little selfish.
I don't want a jungle adventure, a backpack across Europe adventure, or even a beach and warm sun adventure - I want something more, something deeper, something meaningful.
Belle finishes the song with...
I want adventure in the great wide somewhereI want it more than I can tellAnd for once it might be grandTo have someone understandI want so much more than they've got planned
I feel misunderstood (about this). I feel like I cannot speak what I am feeling, the words just don't come. And when they do, they are inadequate. They do not communicate what my soul is feeling. I cannot even speak it or write it clearly to God. I've tried. I know He knows, but it'd be nice to journal it out. Maybe then I could explain it to others, particularly Michael.
It feels as if I am shackled in life. Maybe not a bad thing at times - I do believe one reasons God gave us Melisa is to help keep us grounded a touch more. That adventure in the great wide somewhere is out of my reach. I don't think it's fear that keeps me "here" but more a sense of responsibility, but is it a false sense? I don't have personal fear for me and mine, the fear I have is how I react and interact with others when, if I adventure.
So I sit here another Sunday night, thinking of the future. A little hopeful but right now saddened Michael is going on his adventure in the great wide somewhere without me. And here's a tear...
Thursday, January 10, 2013
{pastime} while traveling
What does one do in a hotel room when one is alone?
A Mud Mask Of Course!!
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
{a} change
Would you join me in prayer?
For me!
I have been praying that God would make a way for me to step away from Cargill. I want to be able to be in ministry more, I want to be able to be a wife and mother more, I want my focus to change.
I am not sure what that might look like but I am quite open to current and new possibilities. I have been looking and talking with some para church organization about their openings, but I also have been praying for a miracle. Only a miracle from God could make this work for my family.
For me!
I have been praying that God would make a way for me to step away from Cargill. I want to be able to be in ministry more, I want to be able to be a wife and mother more, I want my focus to change.
I am not sure what that might look like but I am quite open to current and new possibilities. I have been looking and talking with some para church organization about their openings, but I also have been praying for a miracle. Only a miracle from God could make this work for my family.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
{the} weaver
I have been thinking a lot lately about a Corrie ten Boom illustration. It has quite grabbed me in this new year. I think it's grabbed me because of the happenings of my life currently. I've known this illustration/story for many years now but it's been fresh to me in the past weeks. I believe God has made it afresh to me. I believe it was a reminder, a word I needed. I shared it this Sunday in our invocation, maybe you need this word as well.
The basic story goes that as Corrie would be at various speaking event she would grab this piece of cloth and turn it over and over showing everyone the front and the back as she quoted The Weaver by Grant Colfax Tullar. Elizabeth Elliott(how fitting this story is when you know her life story) retells a story of a late night encounter with Corrie, she says : She took out of the suitcase a square of satin with what looked like a totally meaningless jumble of thread, which she held up for us to look at. She said, Now look at this jumble of threads. It doesn't seem to have any meaning to it whatsoever." But then she turned it to the other side. On the other side was a beautiful embroidery depicting a golden crown. Then she repeat for us the lovely words by Grant Colfax Tullar.
The Weaver
My Life is but a weaving
Betwixt my God and me;
I do not choose the colors
He worketh steadily.
Oft times He weaveth sorrow
And I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper,
And I the underside.
Not 'til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unfold the pattern
And explain the reason why,
For dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver's skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
in the pattern He has planned.
The basic story goes that as Corrie would be at various speaking event she would grab this piece of cloth and turn it over and over showing everyone the front and the back as she quoted The Weaver by Grant Colfax Tullar. Elizabeth Elliott(how fitting this story is when you know her life story) retells a story of a late night encounter with Corrie, she says : She took out of the suitcase a square of satin with what looked like a totally meaningless jumble of thread, which she held up for us to look at. She said, Now look at this jumble of threads. It doesn't seem to have any meaning to it whatsoever." But then she turned it to the other side. On the other side was a beautiful embroidery depicting a golden crown. Then she repeat for us the lovely words by Grant Colfax Tullar.
My Life is but a weaving
Betwixt my God and me;
I do not choose the colors
He worketh steadily.
Oft times He weaveth sorrow
And I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper,
And I the underside.
Not 'til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unfold the pattern
And explain the reason why,
For dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver's skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
in the pattern He has planned.
Monday, January 7, 2013
{pray} for michael
A short entry asking you to please pray for Michael today and for this week. Last night he got some bad news about his class that starts two weeks from today. All he had been reading and prepping for the last two months has been changed. The college had entered his email address wrong months ago and he had not received any of the communication of the changes from his professor Had Michael not reached out via email, he would have known nothing until class started. Starting today he is at square one for his class. This has put A LOT of stress on him. Please pray for peace for his soul. Pray for fast reading time and absorption of the material. Pray for the books to be at the library. Pray for us all as we now don't have the last week of family time we thought we had.
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