{great} wide somewhere

My thoughts have been a little bit of everywhere this past week or so, but one specific area...

On the heels of Michael and I's great Caribbean vacation last month and on the threshold of Michael's journey to England this week my thoughts turn to Belle. Yep, that's right Disney's Belle. Early on in the movie she sings, I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. 

I've been thinking about that...a lot lately. At times it seems a little pitiful and childish. A little selfish. 

I don't want a jungle adventure, a backpack across Europe adventure, or even a beach and warm sun adventure - I want something more, something deeper, something meaningful. 

Belle finishes the song with...

I want adventure in the great wide somewhereI want it more than I can tellAnd for once it might be grandTo have someone understandI want so much more than they've got planned

I feel misunderstood (about this). I feel like I cannot speak what I am feeling, the words just don't come. And when they do, they are inadequate. They do not communicate what my soul is feeling. I cannot even speak it or write it clearly to God. I've tried. I know He knows, but it'd be nice to journal it out. Maybe then I could explain it to others, particularly Michael. 

It feels as if I am shackled in life. Maybe not a bad thing at times - I do believe one reasons God gave us Melisa is to help keep us grounded a touch more. That adventure in the great wide somewhere is out of my reach. I don't think it's fear that keeps me "here" but more a sense of responsibility, but is it a false sense? I don't have personal fear for me and mine, the fear I have is how I react and interact with others when, if I adventure. 

So I sit here another Sunday night, thinking of the future. A little hopeful but right now saddened Michael is going on his adventure in the great wide somewhere without me. And here's a tear...