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| My Sweetie |
I think we've both done some tip-toeing through the tulips in the last weeks to ensure we don't have "the big one". But unfortunately due to all that tip-toeing "the big one" happened this past week. Maybe that means we are good until his return this summer? Hopefully!
I don't want to leave anything unsaid or undone. He is doing school prep work for his intense class so even if I was staying home he would be busy. Evenings have child or church events. Not to mention this week I am out of town for 3 days for work. When I get back we a weekend and two days to finishing "filling up the tank" for 5 months.
I wish money did grow on trees...we'd take off with him. And this unknown anxiety wouldn't be.
Like I said, the pressure to say everything but I've nothing to say. We have moments alone and I am silent. It's disabling. It's a feeling I haven't felt before. I dislike it.
I am desperately worried I am going to go into this Super Woman, I-don't-need-nobody, person while I am here alone and everything he and I have worked on for our marriage will fade away. All the progress, all the tears, the nakedness of my heart. I am worried I will wall it back up again. Will we have to do this all over?
I pray and beg Lord, no!
2 comments:
Sarah, thank you for writing this. I understand very much what you are saying. You have spoken well of what's is difficult about this decision.
It is true that Fear is no Gentleman; 'he' has walked with me through much of my life and the 'torment' of his company is very real.
I'll be here to walk with you through these months if you'll let me. No expectations for you except to be who you are and let me walk a little on this journey through the fear (and the triumphs) to the other side. Coffee?
Coffee sounds good...we haven't in a long time. Seems you are always busy and our calendars haven't aligned. We can make this happen!
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